You could read the title in many ways... I'm talking about men... men or boys or.... simply the other gender.

Lately I just have the feeling that someone just wants me to be single and all alone. Yes, I get the occasional chance to feel some tenderness, some guys smiling to me, some bringing me out for a walk... some simply writing to me. But in the big picture, none of them are bold enough to make a move and I'm so tired of the games.

Honestly, I just want to be taken care of... just to relax and let go. I don't want to try (not that I am that desperately) or tell people what I'm feeling. I just want to be left alone, in my own little life. The heartache or rejection is simply not worth it. At least for a while now. So I'm again, going to escape into my little cave... meet up a couple of friends when I finally get back home (in Budapest right now, working)... 'cause I need them. I need the positive influence to make me feel a bit upbeat.

Every time when I think that hey, this is it, now I will be great, there's a nice guy who's interested, it just drops for some ridiculous reason. And I'm sad... sad 'cause I'm starting to feel that it's all about me. As if I'm that scary... maybe I just shouldn't give a s*?

I've managed to fall in love more than just once in the last few weeks and every time it ends up with the same thing. I get hurt, even though I haven't imagined anything, and the guys just run... run to the winds. Escape from me. Yes, I get new friends... but I'm hoping for a guy in my life... a lover. Someone I could take care of and someone that would care about me. I should simply slap myself every time when I fall in love again.

Why does falling in love have to feel so bad? Yes, for a moment it's really good... and then the reality kicks in... the guy either has a GF, or he's simply scared or he's simply making things much more complicated then it is. I'm fed up of this... I don't want to. I want to experience love but... with which price? Just sooooo tired... f* you guys.